Christmas Magic and it's all up to YOU!!!

It’s finally time to take a sigh of relief. The most magical holiday of the year and came and went. If you are anything like me there was a ton of anxiety leading up to the magical day itself. I despise dropping a ton of money on stuff. It gives me terrible anxiety to think about buying more stuff, receiving more stuff, and then spending time pickup and organizing more stuff. Our house is already overloaded with all the joys of childhood, there is so much fun to be had that a really good playdate can leave me cleaning for days following it because…we have too much STUFF.

I don’t even have to threaten to take stuff away, just cleaning gets my kids going and they worry I am going to thin the herd. The fear probably comes from the fact that I become overwhelmed by all the stuff and hopelessly starting making piles, filling boxes and attempt to sneak them to the garage for disposal.

I don’t stay up to date on the latest toys and I spent the Thanksgiving holiday so far from town the only internet access I have is from the local store some 16 miles away and down a gravelly winding road, or the limited internet at my sister’s, but she sometimes just turns it off because inevitably someone watches a Youtube video and it’s pushed their limited available data over the limit and her husband actually has to use the internet for work. While this might seem painful, its a preference. I would 1000% rather have no shopping than access to all the hottest and greatest latest stuff. Tiny homes actually start sounding appealing so I can ditch all this stuff, and just have a place to sleep and cook, and then get out with bikes and skis. Staying home all day watching TV is also nightmarish to me.

Years in the past, my husband has purchased things without consulting with me, and I feel left out on giving our kids the things they have been asking for all year. But, without me, there are no stuffed stocking, or emotional connections to ornaments, or meaningful dinners or breakfasts. It’s a harsh reality that all my stress makes my kids joyful. Okay, that is slightly misdirected. They don’t know much about my stress because I want the holiday to be special. But man is it exhausting.

When I think about the Christmas Holiday, I think my family should want to ski, to receive season passes, and lessons, and to spend every possible day having fun in the snow. I don’t think my husband sees it this way because his family went to the movies for Christmas and shopped the day after when everything was on sale. My mom on the other hand made christmas magical. I felt like I received the world. She didn’t see overwhelmed. I never heard about how much Christmas cost or if they had to save up for it. It just happened. But I always felt like I received the world.

I don’t feel this way creating Christmas. I lay in bed at night stressed that I spent too much. Or I didn’t spend enough. I worry that I might have given more to one child in the eyes of the other. Of course they have no idea how much I spent, but I know.

Once presents have been secured and dutifully hidden by being shoved into placed in my closet, the garage,, drawers, under the bed and so on…then I worry about the kids finding them, thus ruining some of the magic, or all of it!

Then there is the night before, when stockings are hung, and the milk and cookies are out, a letter to Santa sits waiting for a response, and two kids go to be determined to see Santa. And this mom hopes to wake without anyone noticing in order to tend to the mom duties. Presents from Santa are placed in front of the tree, stockings are stuffed and you pray you didn’t lose an item in all the hiding places, and then you write (not in your own writing) a letter back to the children. Then crumple into bed pretty sure it’s going to be a disaster and that kids will wake before you are ready to get up, or that they will tear through everything before you have coffee and then ask if there are more presents.

I know there must be some magic they feel, but I just feel drained and elated. Because when the presents are unwrapped and they are floating on cloud nine blissed out on the magic of it all, I’ve done my job. However, I dream of being able to lay in bed for the weeks leading up to Christmas feeling some resolve because Christmas didn’t feel excess, or expensive, or exhausting. And because someday, my family will want to go skiing or snowshoeing or just scrap the whole thing and go to Bali for two weeks.