Sick Kids
Imagine this post starting with 1.000 eye rolls. Not because kids get sick but because everyone and their uncle's dog has an opinion about stay-at-home moms. The SAHM either works more than her fair share with the struggle to get any productive time to herself or sleep for that matter, or the SAHM mom is lazy as the longest slowest river in August and does nothing but watch Hulu and eat organic bonbons made by the "unfortunate moms" that must WORK for a living. Obviously I used "quotes" to denote the ridiculousness of this statement because truth be told, the grass will always be greener in someone else's pasture especially if their last name is Jones.
As many of you know, I solo parent. It's different from being single in there is an income to support our family from my husband. It's also different because I don't see my husband sometimes for 10 or so months at a time. It can really put a hurt on the family social life. It also directly affects my social circle, fitness, career....and a million other things. We could debate the reasons why I am solo parenting but let's just say this is what we are doing right now. Last year I worked and ended up paying out nearly 3x what I made in childcare as my schedule was all over the place and sometimes I worked until 10pm or 7pm and had to have two different sitters pick up kids and then get them to activities. But I loved worked and it was so fulfilling!!! But as a solo parent I have no support should a child get sick. There wasn't a husband within 3 time zones to swoop in an rescue kids, it was all on me to figure out and with a set work schedule let's just say I paid extra for college girls to sit with a puking kid from time to time. So very uncool on the parenting front but you do what you have to do, right?
Well, I took a leave from work when my father passed away so I could handle his estate and my graduate classes (can you say overachiever? I am really driven to prove my value...to someone. But if you ask my kids and husband...they simply think I am the best MOM, but I want to be more). Why? probably because stay-at-home mom shaming is real!!! And here I am the recently shamed (by family none-the-less) SAHM not earning $$ but I am home with a sick kid that is wrapping my computer in toilet paper and in general being very busy. He contracted Hand-foot-mouth and was miserable for a good 5 days but clearly seems on the mend. School just started for our 3rd grader and I was able to pick her up on her first day of school, WIN! But the shame has cut deep and I am trying to justify not only my stay-at-home status but in general my self worth. I really hate letting words get under my skin. Breath out other peoples short comings and failings. I don't want to own the shame cast on me for being a mom. And I am not going to indulge in the negativity.
I will admit that I always long for more and improving myself because self growth is something we all have within our control. But I also want my children to know I have dreams...catch22 is that I also want them to know they are enough.
Today I started and nearly completed my substitute teacher license in one of the hardest states for credentialing. I have one test to take in two weeks and I'll be working, doing graduate school and solo parenting. Is that enough? I sure hope so! But alas, I'l probably hold myself accountable to my training plan so I can get through the half marathon somewhat ready.
But for today I am glad I could be home with this monkey and was able to get my application nearly 100% complete.
